Is That a Promise or a Threat?

When I was a rabblerousing teenager, still living at home, my Mum, at times, had a difficult time dealing with me.  Two particular incidents involving my Mum stay with me.  One, during the summer of 1975, when I was pushing the envelope of my mother’s patience, and my Dad just happened to overhear me disrepecting her.  It is one of the few times my Dad manhandled me.  It isn’t that, that stays with me.  It is these words.  My Dad said, “I don’t care how you speak to me, but you will, John, treat your Mother with respect.  If you don’t, John, you’ll be out on your ass so fast you won’t know which way to turn.” My Dad wasn’t kidding.

The second incident’s catalyst also involved my Mum and my disrespect for her in 1978.  This time my oldest brother “corrected” my lack of respect by cold cocking me at 6:45 A.M. as I attempted to walk by him at the lumberyard where I worked.  As he had informed me he would do if I didn’t straighten up and fly right.

You see, those were promises made good by my Dad and my brother, to me, for not respecting my Mum.  They weren’t threats.

This morning I read about Karen DeCoster receiving email threats from one Jeffrey Sandor Orling Architect employee.  What a dick, threatening a woman.  I’d like to tell Orling that I would kick his ass for just such conduct, but I think Karen has the situation well in hand. If she doesn’t, and requires additional assistance, may I be the first to state that I would willingly stand by her side.

Posted by on 03/10 at 03:54 AM

  1. This time my oldest brother “corrected” my lack of respect by cold cocking me at 6:45 A.M.

    Are you still mad at your brother for doing this to you Mr. Venlet?

    ... or are you grateful to him for it today?

    I’m betting it is the latter.

    I’m also betting that, like your Father before you, you don’t tolerate your children disrespecting their Mother.

    Posted by  on  03/10  at  07:54 AM

  2. Why should I be “mad” at my brother?  I wouldn’t say I’m “grateful,” but I wouldn’t say his action was undeserved on my part.  We’re brothers.

    I teach my children respect, with a healthy dose of individuality and a questioning nature.

    Posted by  on  03/10  at  09:47 AM

  3. John Venlet: Why should I be “mad” at my brother?  I wouldn’t say I’m “grateful,” but I wouldn’t say his action was undeserved on my part.  We’re brothers.

    Your brother used unexpected and unprovoked violence (force) against you. Typically that would seem like the kind of thing you’d be unilatterally opposed to.

    But in this instance I almost get the impression that with the benefit of hindsight you are (dare I say) grateful to your brother?

    The point I was trying to make Mr. Venlet, is that what you may have experienced at the moment as a negative event in your existence appears to have evolved into a <b>positive<b> experience over time.

    The question I’m asking is why/how did that happen?

    Why not hold a perpetual grudge against your brother like an “Anarchist” might hold a perpetual grudge against the “government”?

    To be honest Mr. Venlet, your sense of chivalry drew me to this post. I find it a most admirable quality. 

    Posted by  on  03/10  at  10:09 AM

  4. Serpent - "The point I was trying to make Mr. Venlet, is that what you may have experienced at the moment as a negative event in your existence appears to have evolved into a <b>positive<b> experience over time."

    "The question I’m asking is why/how did that happen?"

    The amount of time that elapsed was neglible.  The moment I came to my senses, lying, groggy and bleary eyed, in boxes of ten penny nails, I knew my brother had been just in his actions.

    Posted by  on  03/10  at  11:21 AM

  5. So, in other words, if you were sent back to relive those days over again, it is highly doubtful that you would be disrespectful to your mother on this iteration?

    Is it because you know that if you are disrespectful towards her again that your brother is going to clock you again, or is it because this time you simply realize that it is never right (moral, ethical, or “good”) to express disrespect towards your Mother?

    Posted by  on  03/10  at  12:55 PM

  6. In the events related in this post, I earned the reward I had worked towards, though the reward was not necessarily what I had expected.  Where I had erred, was in not respecting my parents’ house rules, especially in regards to how I should treat my Mum.

    To address your question, since I cannot “relive” those days, I cannot answer your question.  What I can tell you, is, the lesson I gleaned, from those events, can be applied as needed today.

    Posted by  on  03/10  at  01:42 PM

  7. John Venlet: In the events related in this post, I earned the reward I had worked towards, though the reward was not necessarily what I had expected.

    I can remember thinking that the hot stove burner looked so intriguing, it just had to feel as “cool” as it looked. Needless to say, I earned the reward I had worked towards when I touched that hot burner, though the reward I got was not necessarily what I had expected.

    John Venlet: Where I had erred, was in not respecting my parents’ house rules, especially in regards to how I should treat my Mum.

    And where I erred, was in not respecting the Laws of Physics.

    In other words, we BOTH made the same error.

    John Venlet: To address your question, since I cannot “relive” those days, I cannot answer your question.

    Ohh Brother Venlet … if only you knew (remembered) …

    John Venlet: What I can tell you, is, the lesson I gleaned, from those events, can be applied as needed today.

    I agree. In fact I never (ever) touched a hot stove burner again.

    Posted by  on  03/10  at  02:03 PM

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