Carnival Barking

When’s the last time you wandered around a carnival?  If you’re like me, it may have been awhile.  It wasn’t the rides, the ring toss, or the livestock exhibitions I went to the carnival to experience, but the carnival barkers, now there’s a show.

Today, our best opportunity to experience a semblance to carnival barking is the whole presidential primary schedule whirlygig, with states all around the country barking out that the date of their show is earlier, flashier, and more you won’t believe your eyes spectacular.  What fun!

Writing in the Washington Post, David S. Broder opines that the carnival barking of earlier and earlier primary dates is leading to “madness.”

Let’s take a look at his spiraling kaleidoscope of concerns.

Instead of there being a steady progression of contests, challenging and whittling the field of contenders in the wide-open races to select a successor to George W. Bush, it is going to be a herky-jerky, feast-or-famine exercise that looks more like Russian roulette than anything that tests who can best fill the most powerful secular office on Earth.

I don’t know know about you, but a “herky-jerky,” “feast-or-famine,” “Russian roulette” test sounds highly entertaining.  Maybe the candidates could even all compete in the Hi Striker test of strength, swinging that hammer for all their worth and whoever rings the bell, walks away with the prize.  Heck, even I’d buy a ticket to see that.

Another of Broder’s concerns is this.

Most of those voters will never have had an opportunity to get even a glance at the candidates. All they will know is what the ads tell them—and what the media can supply, when reporters are exhausting themselves dashing after the race from state to state.

Well, if the voters will only get a glance at the candidates, the hand’s down winner will be John Edwards, whose primping and powdering will provide a glance that will make hearts throb.

As for the reporters who are “exhausting themselves dashing after the race from state to state,” couldn’t we assign all of them a number, which they could display prominently on their chests and backs, like NYC marathon runners, and then setup a Vegas betting pool so wagers could be made on who would win the race to the next state?  That might be more fun than the Kentucky Derby.

Additionally, Mr. Broder states this concern.

This crazy calendar sets up one of two scenarios—both scary. If one candidate in each party wraps up the nomination by gaining momentum in the January contests and amassing delegates on Feb. 5, we will be looking at the longest, most-dragged-out general election ever. The conventions are late in 2008; the Democrats’ the last week in August, the Republicans’ the first week in September. The time from February to Labor Day will be boring beyond belief.

I’d say we’re already looking at the “longest, most-dragged-out general election ever.” Ever.  And as for it being “boring beyond belief,” well, I’m feeling in need of a nap already, and it’s only 8:26 A.M.

David S. Broder’s piece is titled No Way to Choose a President. Step right up and see the show!

Posted by on 05/10 at 04:41 AM

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